miroir_elegance (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} miroir_elegance) wrote,@ 2008-05-04 22:16:00 |
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The escapist
If someone would be so kind as to lend me a tent and a sleeping bag, and point me to the nearest empty forest that has food in it, I'll be leaving there for vacations.
I need to get the fuck away from this bloody world. Surely there must be a way that doesn't require money. If it wasn't from my mother, I'd be long gone somewhere quiet. I don't want her on my back whenever I do something, but I must leave. Anywhere but here. Anywhere. Alone. Just a small escape, is all I want.. and the forest is the only place where I'd feel at home. The trees, the birds, the wind, the silence, the lovely nature in all its splendor, but most of all, it's tranquility...
I need it, I crave it, I want it.
I don't care if anyone would be looking for me, they can look all they want. I've waited for people. I've tried reaching them. No matter what excuses they can have, I'm tired of being the only one having to understand and nod whenever something happens. I expect no pity, nor understanding, simply the truth.
Oh, how can I explain? I will try, I must...
There is an ocean around my mind, and it is trying to breach through the wall. I am standing there, in the middle. The wall is weak, but I am trying to strenghten it. I have a small sword and an armor, but I know against water, it's useless - it'll simply go through the metal. I am trying to protect myself from the ravaging water, because I know it'll take me, the insanity, the madness, all the horrible thoughts trapped inside it, if I let them come in, if the wall comes down, it'll all wash over me, I will drown, I will never survive this tide. I am not allowing the thoughts to flow freely because if I do I will lose much more than I have lost already. And so I stand still, with ridiculous armor and weapons, against something that can not be fought, but only restrained.
I remember what you said. Maybe this is the time. Maybe it is now. But oh, alone, how can I do it? When I am so uncertain of where you are, where you'll be, in the future, when I come out, if I come out, what will await me on the other side? I wish tears would flow, I wish I could show some humanity, who am I, who am I to feel this way?
Should I let the wall break, or restrain this tide further? I am afraid of the horrors that will happen if I let go of the ocean. They are deadly, the waves, they are beautiful, tempting, but deadly, and I barely know how to swim. Not a single hand to reach for, only memories, only wishes, but what good is a memory in the blackness of the ocean?
If I had ever known you would be the cause of it, I cannot believe, it is a cruel irony. But I feel somewhere I must apologize.
Too many conflicting feelings, I can not choose, I don't know which is right. But I cannot act by myself. Speaking to a shadow, to a dream, to a memory, will do nothing.
In the meantime, I will apply more bricks to the wall; small breaches have opened. They must be fixed. I will not allow these wounding thoughts to reach my core.
I can wait, I can. But it's only feeding the already ravaging ocean.
Oh, if I had known, if I had only a chance.
If someone would be so kind as to lend me a tent and a sleeping bag, and point me to the nearest empty forest that has food in it, I'll be leaving there for vacations.
I need to get the fuck away from this bloody world. Surely there must be a way that doesn't require money. If it wasn't from my mother, I'd be long gone somewhere quiet. I don't want her on my back whenever I do something, but I must leave. Anywhere but here. Anywhere. Alone. Just a small escape, is all I want.. and the forest is the only place where I'd feel at home. The trees, the birds, the wind, the silence, the lovely nature in all its splendor, but most of all, it's tranquility...
I need it, I crave it, I want it.
I don't care if anyone would be looking for me, they can look all they want. I've waited for people. I've tried reaching them. No matter what excuses they can have, I'm tired of being the only one having to understand and nod whenever something happens. I expect no pity, nor understanding, simply the truth.
Oh, how can I explain? I will try, I must...
There is an ocean around my mind, and it is trying to breach through the wall. I am standing there, in the middle. The wall is weak, but I am trying to strenghten it. I have a small sword and an armor, but I know against water, it's useless - it'll simply go through the metal. I am trying to protect myself from the ravaging water, because I know it'll take me, the insanity, the madness, all the horrible thoughts trapped inside it, if I let them come in, if the wall comes down, it'll all wash over me, I will drown, I will never survive this tide. I am not allowing the thoughts to flow freely because if I do I will lose much more than I have lost already. And so I stand still, with ridiculous armor and weapons, against something that can not be fought, but only restrained.
I remember what you said. Maybe this is the time. Maybe it is now. But oh, alone, how can I do it? When I am so uncertain of where you are, where you'll be, in the future, when I come out, if I come out, what will await me on the other side? I wish tears would flow, I wish I could show some humanity, who am I, who am I to feel this way?
Should I let the wall break, or restrain this tide further? I am afraid of the horrors that will happen if I let go of the ocean. They are deadly, the waves, they are beautiful, tempting, but deadly, and I barely know how to swim. Not a single hand to reach for, only memories, only wishes, but what good is a memory in the blackness of the ocean?
If I had ever known you would be the cause of it, I cannot believe, it is a cruel irony. But I feel somewhere I must apologize.
Too many conflicting feelings, I can not choose, I don't know which is right. But I cannot act by myself. Speaking to a shadow, to a dream, to a memory, will do nothing.
In the meantime, I will apply more bricks to the wall; small breaches have opened. They must be fixed. I will not allow these wounding thoughts to reach my core.
I can wait, I can. But it's only feeding the already ravaging ocean.
Oh, if I had known, if I had only a chance.
